"Desperate middle aged neighbors"

I'm wanting to get out of the house and take a walk with Charles being brave enough to walk across the street and offer Charles some of my ginger root tea. He and I were enjoying this elixir to help the joints and prevent inflammation when we were interrupted by a rumbling of the volcanic house less than 10 feet west of me to see what would be expurgated from it and out comes the skinnier formerly obese social chairman screaming at me about pissing on his yard in front of his wife. He's said that he will charge me with public indecency and that

"IF YOU PULL YOUR DICK OUT IN PUBLIC, I WILL SHOOT IT OFF!"

then addressing my friend, he rants on,

"You know what he did, Charles? Instead of going inside after being out late he pisses on my yard exposing his penis to my wife!"

"I was pissing on my own tree in my own yard. Do you and your wife have nothing better to do than look out your windows and spy on me everytime I arrive home or fertilize one of my trees??...(public exposure in total darkness,is that oxymoronic??. I wonder, both of them having military resumes, if they have infared glasses to just so they can see dangling participles late at night. I hope that it gives them a thrill see it marking territory the way their dog has been trained to leave little present in my yard. Maybe they will install one of those infared camera so they can hold it for evidence and see if it measures up to the social chairman's dinga ling. Maybe they need it for their own record keeping and documentation to build a case?? Maybe they have a log for when I leave and come home?? They seem to know everything that I do as soon as I walk outside. Maybe, Karl Rove has hired them so they can sit around all day and take turns spying for the benefit of the Repuklican empire. .... s.r.h.e.)

I replied calmly when as he walked away with both of us a little perturbed about his bullying ways and the very unpleasant interruption for what was up till then a gorgeous afternoon in late fall,

"Don't let your dog leave a big shit in the middle of my yard and emotionally traumatize me so I won't be coming back to feces all over my yard or driveway! I do my own fertilizing, thank you very much!"
(I did not say that but will probably add that to the screenplay)

I am sorry that these people seem to have no life other than to complain about little crap such as lights and dangling tools. They burglarize me rationalizing their breaking and entering because the Dvd and TV is their "brother's" and then they are upset that I have a light on so as to avoid any further burglaries from them or anyone. This way there can also be a light on the subject. I have a feeling, they will endorse the the criminal act again if I leave the state for a few days (uh, oh better not tell them when so they can plan another heist). So they leave me notes about the lights and say.
"Can't we coexist peacefully?"

How do the Iraqis feel when their homes are attacked by strangers? How would you feel out there in cyberspace if your own home was burglarized by your violent neighbors?


I am very upset with these folks that I used to trust and be their friends despite tolerating their constant disrespect and bullying. I know that you are reading this. So when I quit leaving the lights on for your sake and think that you won't bother me anymore, your social chairman feels that he can totally embarrass me in front of all the neighbors for an innocent piss on my own tree in total darkness when you think everyone is asleep. Is that
"PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE" ???

I have lived here peacefully in this neighborhood with Charles and other friendly neighbors for over 20 years until you arrived next door. I did my best to befriend you and make you feel welcome in my neighborhood.
Should I just let you burglarize my place again and leave the door open for you so that it is easier for you? I'm sure that I could call the police about threats of bodily harm from firearms but I'm sure you have a right to bear arms and will rationalize shooting anyone that pisses outside at 2am in THEIR OWN YARD! You are so audacious to ask for a peaceful coexistence and talk about the law when you break it all the time especially when you verbally and physically threaten someone else that you do not respect or feel that you can rationalize your whole "family's" bullying and intimidation so that I no longer feel safe in my own neighborhood that I have for 20 years! You have done an excellent job of making me feel unwelcome when I was gone for a year and it seems that you are doing whatever you can to want me to leave again.

So Charles and I went for a walk after dealing with ballistic rants of an ex navy seal that is used to screaming orders and being the boss of his area trying our best to enjoy the walk before the sun set. I was looking forward to the walk so much almost like it is a high point of the day and wondering when the volcano next door will erupt like I might be living next door to Mt. St. Helen's. We were both quiet while walking trying to overcome the trauma of the big volcano losing it's top. The walk helped so that we could just laugh it off about the sheer ludicrousy of the situation. Making a joke out of someone that has nothing better to do than continually bully and harass his neighbor for the sake of his own ego or to show off in front of all the neighbors instead of leaving a note like his wife does. We needed a beer or something to alleviate our nerves but Charles' wife was about to come home so we decided to go for a walk the next day.

I can just imagine adding that to my string of misfortunes happening this year, thinking what could be worse could than another 4 years of an incompetent president with no real clue. I can imagine them calling the police and then I'm being talked about on channel 9 news with Kelly Ogre giving his "2 cents" about how disgraceful it is for a teacher to expose himself and in his own back yard at 2 in the morning urinating on a tree!

"Teachers should come home in a reasonable hour and use the proper fertilizer for their trees! That is my 2 cents! I'm Kelly Ogre."
!~(channel 9 sleeps with the "Daily Disappointment")

but seriously, to the neighbors directly west of me, file a complaint if you want and I will definitely reciprocate with an abundance of charges but please,

LEAVE ME ALONE.! DO NOT TALK TO ME OR ADDRESS ME. STAY AWAY FROM ME.